Body Image – The Heaviest Woman in the Room

I have been struggling with this post for some time because it is a difficult topic for me. Body image is a person’s self perception and their attitude about their body. Most women I know have body image issues: too fat, too thick, not tall enough, etc, etc. Think about the common question - "Do these pants make my butt look big?" The media is no help as it glorifies razor thin women as the feminine ideal.

But when you have been or are very overweight body image takes on a whole new dimension. I can vividly remember what it is like to be the biggest woman in the room. When I was heavy, I would scan a room and make the mental comparison of myself to everyone else. At my heaviest I always underestimated my size , but down deep inside I would know I was the heaviest person in that room. I avoided photographs with a passion. If I camera came out, I was gone. Below is a "BEFORE" photo of me.

Here I am right before I began my "last chance diet" November 2001. If you asked me I would have said I was heavy but not obese. I was 300 pounds in this photo!

Fast forward to today. According to my health care professional, I am at the right weight for my size. I am not too thin and not overweight. I am just right. But, I don’t always feel just right, in fact my body image has swung in the other direction and through my mind's eye at times I see a much heavier person. Sometimes during yoga class the instructor asks us to stand with our feet hips distance apart. Often, the instructor will tell me that three feet is too far apart......my body image at work!

Why does this all matter? Because when I was obese I deluded myself that I really was not that heavy and did not face into how bad the situation really was. Don't get me wrong, I knew I was fat, but not that fat. (after I lost the weight and put on a coat I used to wear, I was in tears and almost passed out!) That denial was one of many reasons why I did not address the issue sooner. Once I started losing weight the positive feedback from trusted health care professionals and my family, helped keep me on track.

Today, I no longer get all of the positive feedback I did when I was losing weight, because most people take it for granted that I have always been in shape or have forgotten that I was obese. It is pretty incredible that people forget, but recently my daughter who is in her mid 20's told me she did not remember me as obese. But, at times the "poor body image" rears its ugly head and causes me stress. During those times I still see a heavy woman in the mirror or in the picture. The power of mental editing is just incredible! Besides causing stress, I know this poor image can become a self fulfilling prophesy and I could gain back the weight or I could swing the other way into anorexia.

When I look at this photo, I have to stop myself from being critical and remind myself that I am in the best shape ever for my bone structure and age! I am not a petite woman. PS I am in my 50's.

So, what I am doing about it? First of all plenty of positive self talk, I try to give myself positive affirmations as much as possible. When a negative thought about my body comes into my head, I ask it to leave and I replace the thought with something positive. I am also making positive body image a priority for myself in 2010. As part of my Master's of Social Work program, I am focusing on eating disorders and I am reading research studies that have been done on this topic. I am also in the process of looking for a health care professional or workshop that specializes in body image. To keep me honest about it all I have a health care professional that is sworn to tell me if I am gaining weight. Slowly, I am beginning to love myself and love my body. I am learning to relax despite the occasional lapses.

Anyone have any thoughts on this topic?

So, no matter where you are in your weight loss journey love yourself and love your body. Give yourself a hug and celebrate all of your accomplishments.

Happy, healthy trails to you. Enjoy your weekend.