Middle-Aged? Afraid to Ride? Share Your Story Here
It's an issue that comes up over and over in Horse & Rider's reader mail: Middle-aged horse lovers, struggling to overcome a fear of riding, and/or some sort of anxiety that keeps them out of the saddle or at least riding less than they would like.
With 3/4 of our readership being age 40 or over, I suspect it's a widespread problem. Is it one that YOU can identify with?
If it is, I'd like to hear from you in the Comments section
.
A few prompts to get you started:
* Were you a bold and mostly fearless rider when you were younger?
* Does it frustrate you that you can't seem to get back to that point?
* Did your fear develop after an accident or injury? Can you pinpoint some other reason for it? Or, did it seem to come out of nowhere, on its own?
* What means, if any, have you tried in an effort to get past the fear and back to riding? What's worked? What hasn't?
* How much does your present horse contribute to the issue?
You don't HAVE to answer all or even any of these questions--you may well have your own kind of story you'd be willing to share. Fine by me.
Standing by, ready to listen to whatever you'd care to shae....I just know there's an article in here somewhere.
Jim Bortvedt photo for Horse & Rider.
posted by Juli Thorson @ 2:22 PM
48 comments
48 Comments:
I haven't regularly ridden for about 2 years now (moved to another state, had a baby, etc). I'm more around the quarter-age mark than middle-aged, but I think I'm much more hesitant to just hop aboard than I was in my teens and early 20s! My guess is that I'm rusty, and I also don't have as easy access to horses to ride in PA than I did in MD. I'm interested in reading the other comments!
Ever since I was a young child I wanted to own a horse. Early this past spring, I finally realized that was never going to happen, so at the age of 62 I decided to do the next best thing - take horseback riding lessons!
I was doing quite well, but during my 16th week, my horse spooked when a group of birds fluttered in the indoor arena. I fell off the horse I was riding and dislocated my elbow and broke my wrist.
I have healed from surgery (complete with metal plate) and have almost complete use of my hand/wrist back, though my strength is not up to par yet.
When I started lessons, I started out riding western, but then we all switched to english. I never quite felt as comfortable riding english and then the accident occurred.
I plan on signing up for classes to begin in January (the next opportunity to get back into class), and I will be switching back to western.
I know I will be nervous at first, but I plan on following through! There may be a time when I go back to english, but I think riding western in the beginning will help me feel more comfortable after my fall.
The only drawback in our classes is that we don't always ride the same horse, so I never get the opportunity to get to know one horse.
My doctor thinks I'm crazy to go back to riding, but I think I will be more aware of what's going on around me and to try and be more prepared for the unexpected.
I intend to take one week at a time, and hopefully I can then take one group of sessions at a time.
Still several years shy of the 40-mark, but as I tell my students, the self-preservation instinct kicks in pretty strong around age 25. I wasn't exactly fearless in 4-H, but I didn't make some safe choices either. I had a jumping instructor in college that did not take the time to explain the basics like seeing spots and distances, planning approaches, etc. and I started having anxiety attacks while riding the courses. Everyone else in the group lesson had jumping experience, so it seems he taught to their level. I never came off while jumping, but between that and hacking around the XC course, it took a lot for me to try cross rails or ride outside the arena in the years since.
I've since gone back to the western world, but I have not avoided hunt seat and jumping altogether. To overcome my fears I've carefully planned who I take lessons from, made it known my main objective is to regain confidence, and spent a lot of time on flat work. I'm following a similar strategy for learning to enjoy trail riding again, first riding others' seasoned horses and now taking short excursions on my own horse as we cool out from a training session.
I'm in my mid-40's. My biggest fear is time lost while recovering from injuries. Getting hurt is a common occurrence when you work with horses. Fortunately, the majority of the time my injury is just a broken fingernail, but every once in a while a break a bone. I take calcium citrate supplements in an effort to fight off the aging process of bones in hopes that I can bounce back after accidents. Sometimes if I've got a lot going on in my life and can't afford to lose any time, and I notice that my horses seem more ornery than usual, I will choose not to ride. I want to expose my horses to as much as possible, so that they will be reliable mounts in the future, but sometimes you have to balance out that desire with preserving your own hide.
Not enough room here, but basics, I was 19 when my first horse reared up, fell over backwards landing on me, crushing my left ankle. 6 weeks in the hospital, amputate/don't amputate (yes it was that bad!),3 yrs of numerous surgeries (no ankle joint whatsoever)skin grafts, bone grafts.People I did not know got rid of my horse. 30 yrs later, desire to ride to great to ignore, started taking lessons and then won my Appaloosa dream horse. Then won another Appaloosa.This year decided to ride in a parade dedicated solely to the horse, with the parade 2 weeks away I was dumped (for the 10th time) and broke my tailbone. I am more frustrated with myself for just being so bad a rider. Fearless as a kid, never used a saddle until the day of my accident, I'll get back on as soon as I can. Sooner or later I will "get it"! I will not give up!!!!
I'm 55 and rode and had horses as a young girl until mid twenties when I had my son. When I was young, I rode western until I had an opportunity to ride hunt seat and do some elementary arena jump work. Then, after a 30 year hiatus, I bought a house with a couple of acres and a barn. I got lucky and purchased a kind mare I can putt around with. I got color blind and bought a palomino with 30 days training. I thought that meant 30 days riding. Anyway, I still don't ride her she is too high strung for me.
What has helped me is studying, watching dvds, reading magazines, books and attending clinics. I also belong to an awesome group of ladies living in the Houston gulf coast area called the Loping Ladies. These ladies meet to trail ride and fellowship and don't mind giving advice on all things horse. We have an online group and I can almost ask a question 24/7 if need be. I also take lessons and that is a big confidence booster. I think for me, the biggest help was to stop trying to go it alone and get help, take lessons and join a super group of ladies with similar interests.
At age 54, my lifelong dream of horse ownership came true. There have been ups and downs. I don't ride or even spend as much time with them as I'd like, mostly due to working full time with an hour's commute each way. Since the economy took its nosedive, I haven't had the money to invest in lessons. I'm a truly awful rider, but I have fun.
I've come off twice. First time was no big deal, but the second time, I landed the same way, only a LOT harder, and it cleaned my clock! I was lucky not to have broken anything, but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt like hell, and I still have residual pain. It's always in the back of my mind that if I come off again and land that same way ...
I try to keep it simple and light, and not put any pressure on me or my horse. My goal is always simply to have a safe, relaxed ride, no matter what we do.
I'm only 20, but was pushed to show hunters when I was younger before I was ready ability-wise, and had a bad fall in which I broke my tailbone. I loved riding but my mom was scared of horses and revoked my privilege to ride when I was 14. When I turned 17 I began sneaking rides on a friend's horse, and eventually began taking lessons again, this time with a dressage instructor. At first I had huge fear issues, mostly rooted in spooks. I tensed up, and the horse tensed up. It was a horrible cycle, because as we all know horses get spookier with spooky riders!
It wasn't until I started learning more about horse behavior and a deep, balanced seat that I began to learn to effectively ride out spooks and misbehaviors. I also paired with one horse and worked consistently to help get him back into shape, which gave me something to worry about other than what could go wrong.
I've learned that most of my fear stems from lack of confidence in my own riding. Every time I have a setback (bad spook, fall, etc) I have to rebuild my confidence. But it comes back a lot sooner now that I can address what happened and how I can improve upon it. It helps to focus on the positive aspects of my own riding and horsemanship to boost my confidence.
I now have my own horse, a 3 1/2 year old BLM Mustang, and I make sure to translate that confidence to her. That means reading and watching training books and videos, taking lessons, and getting all the information I can. Most of my fear came from a lack of understanding and control.
the last time I had a new pony-- I was eight. He was in my life until I was 28 and then--long family-kids-work etc hiatus like so many of us. Now I am--not eight but Archie (who is only four and newly mine) is re-introducing me to the joy of riding. I did have a bad fall two years ago (pre-Archie) but I marveled that in fact I was not dead and figured that meant being alive--and riding.
I have always been a cautious rider - those horses are big and I have a bad back. I have been dumped off and bucked off but never hurt. Then last year a mare pushed me over on the ground (was not even riding) and I broke the ball in my shoulder. UGH
I never had a problem showing because we were always in an arena. We do not show any more and only trail ride - which I never liked to do. Then I found Clinton Anderson. I used his methods on my mare and could not believe the difference in her and all my other horses I have had. Then when I learned that one-rein-stop I was set. I know now that as long as I remember to use that I have a better chance of survival. My mare has gotten to be an awesome trail horse because of my "white Trash" indoor arena as we call it. When I started working her I had everything in there hanging from the ceiling and on the ground. I quit pussyfooting around her and would shake plastic, run around whatever I could think of. Tied big plastic banners in the pasture. Tied a plastic feed bag to a string and pulled it all around her. Have huge plastic banners and flags hanging in the arena. Now I love trail riding _ except for the heights. I know she will take care of me and I can use that one-rein-stop on her if something does happen. I also think that as I get older I just figure if I am going to get hurt really bad I want it to be out enjoying myself. Not sitting in the rocking chair and waiting for it to collapse. I thank Clinton Anderson every time I ride my horse especially when people tell me how great she is. Also, on a day when she is a little fresh I have no shame to go to the barn and get the lunge line. That is what it is for. BUT I also really pay attention when I ride to make sure I know every thing that is around me that could cause a problem. My mare is a little claustrophobic and I always make sure I know where the other horses are around her. I ride in nothing but a snaffle bit and a good western saddle - and I love it.
I'm in my early 40s, and have no fear of riding, despite several accidents over the years. But I have recently become much more cautious about handling a spooky or difficult horse from the ground. So while I never feel at all worried or fearful when I am on a horse, I sometimes feel quite vulnerable when working from the ground on things like trailer loading. I think it stems from reading about someone who was permanently disabled after an incident while leading a horse, but I'm sure it is not that simple -- after all, probably more people have been hurt by falling off of a horse than by being run over by one. Luckily, all of my horses are "good eggs" from the ground as well as under saddle. And I put effort into helping them stay confident and well-mannered by spending as much time grooming as I do riding!
LOL Juli- the thought of middle age is more worrisome than the riding issue! ;)
*First, yep, I was known as my best friends "crash test dummy" (Which wasn't actually correct- we worked very hard to keep things quiet and calm, and had some pretty nice sweet non-bucking/snorting/rearing etc horses for the entire training process.)
*Next, yes, it frustrates me to no end some days. All I can think is that I will no longer bounce back up, but simply go SPLAT instead.
*the fear developed after having two children 15 months apart. If I did indeed wind up going SPALT, who would take care of the kids while my husband was working?
*To get past it, I'd like to try to ride. Often. The more I ride, the better I feel, and I have been trying to pay more attention to various horses and re-hone my ability to read a situation with them.
*My present horse, who is a loving soul, contributes to the SLOWNESS of this process by his rehab history. (Most recent story on my blog, titled I Lost Ten Years Off my Life Today. Briefly- he was JUST back to sound again, when on Aug 23 of this year someone tried to steal him in the dead of night. My horse has a bone head switch, and he turned it full on, getting away from the bad guys. He wound up a mile down the road, in the dark, and fell into the deep end of an empty swimming pool. Poor boy banged his legs and back up pretty badly, but at least he is ALIVE and we have him home.)
I think the more I ride different horses, the better things might be. But time constraints keep me from seeking out any other horses to spend time with, so.... I'm somewhat stuck at the moment. We are hoping by Spring that my horse will have recovered enough to begin some slow, easy walks around the area here, but only time will tell....
Juli this was such a great idea! Reading what others have gone through and how they keep on riding lets us know we are not alone in our desire to enjoy these wonderful creatures.Whether we don't ride for a day or 30 yrs, that passion remained and we will do what we can to be happy around and on them. Thank you!
I was a bold and fearless (read "crazy") rider until I had a serious accident just before I turned 60. I shattered my right shoulder, and it now has a plate and significantly limited movement (although my doctor says it's moving much more than he expected, and I'm still working on it --- 18 months later). I've gotten more careful because I can't afford another such accident, financially OR physically. (What would I do if NEITHER arm worked well?!)
I AM frustrated that I'm no longer willing to take risks, but it's probably better not to be as crazy as I was. My caution also has a lot to do with my horse. On a horse I trusted, I'd probably still be fearless, but my current mare is just not trustworthy.
For one thing, she can shy violently at nothing with no warning, so I now ride with a saddle. When I got hurt, I was riding her with just a saddle pad (to keep my jeans clean). When she shied, the pad slipped and took me with it. I'd be willing to ride bareback WITHOUT a pad, because I blame the slipping pad for the accident, but I don't want to get my jeans that dirty, so I'm stuck with the (English) saddle.
The other problem is that she sometimes falls without warning. (She broke my collarbone pulling that trick.) So, I'm much less likely to do the crazy things with her that I'd do on a horse I trusted.
I still ride and I still do crazy things (like trail riding alone and jumping without a helmet), but after 60 years, I finally had an accident that made me a little more careful. If I had a trustworthy horse? Well, I've learned I'm not invulnerable, but if I trusted the horse....
I was a trainer for 12 years. 7 of them were spent showing and training reined cowhorses.
By the end of my forties I started to lose my confidence. Mainly when starting colts or working with problem horses.
It kept creeping up, even though I fought it and still rode between 4 and 10 head a day.
I realised it was affecting the "product", my horses were taking longer to train and didn't have the confidence I always took such pride instilling into them.
I retired last year at 51.
I still ride mine, I'm starting a colt and am comfortable going down the fence on my broke horses. My anxiety is easing.
I'm back to training and riding like I used to, but only my horses, and my confidence is back.
I'm not sure why.
I think it has to do with riding horses and bloodlines I know and trust.
I also think as we age we become more aware of what can happen. We're not scared without reason, we're just smarter.
I have sort of answered all these questions in my blog http://blackhorsefarm.weebly.com/fearless-riding.html
I was not a completely fearless rider but I did a lot of riding, including jumping and trail riding alone. I also worked with young hores.
After getting out of college and getting on my own I retired my older horse and then bought an OTTB. I took a few falls off of him and realized I was not a youngster anymore.
Finally I took some lesson and bought a horse. I had a few more difficulties and then I left my new horse for two years to just live in a pasture. Now I am working to get her going again. I have done lots of things, some are working and others don't
Just something that I have learned over the years - of course the hard way. Life is too short to keep a horse without a mind, that is reckless and careless with his life much less mine. It does not cost any more to feed a really good horse than it does a bad one. Only thing is the vet and hospital bills are a lot less. Don't get attached to a horse that needs constant work and hope you live through it and it works out. Also, I will put up with some idiosyncrasies if the horse is a good horse. My mare walks so slow sometimes I think she is going to get stuck in one place, but I have a deal with her. She can walk as slow as she wants to as long as she behaves like a lady.
I dreamed of horses from age 5. It wasn't u8ntil my mid-forties I got to take an occasional lesson as a tag-a-long to my daughter's love of riding. I got cautious about all of life when I had my daughter. After so many years, she is almost 17, and I feel I can have a bit of my life back. I bought a green broke mare 7 yrs ago. Green rider and green horse, ugh! BUT it worked out pretty okay. I rode Western and loved English. Went flying off over my mare's head, broke 3 bones and took a long time to canter (like 3 yrs). I used to get panic attacks, big and small for a while. Then, slowly, I worked up and found a new trainer. Tried reining a bit, and then moved to a new barn. Now I have an opportunity to switch back to English and would love to train for a beginner 3 day event. Not sure how or how long for that--I work full time and my barn is 1/2 hr away. But I love my mare, my mare loves me and we've done our first trail ride--a baby step to x-country for me. Yesterday was my 56th birthday, and I am focused and calm about my goal: re-learn to jump. and try dressage. I feel whole and exhilarated about this goal after years of timidity!And I met a wonderful set of younger woen (30's and 40's) who share my passion. I'm also determined to go to Rolex in Kentucky--I really feel that this time, YES! I CAN!
At almost 53, I am afraid of being hurt.
In 1995 I came off my mare while cantering and sustained some major injuries including a communited fracture of my ankle. Basically I shattered it into so many pieces that the doctor spent 4 hours in surgery trying to put me back together.
I quit horses for 10 years and wasn't going to get back into them.
Enter Youngest Daughter who had wanted a horse since she was 18 months old. Also enter Enabling Friend who found a mare she talked me into buying.
After handling her for 18 months I found myself in a freezing barn too often to not want to ride too and bought The Littlest Redhead.
insert head shaking in disbelief.
what.was.I.thinking???????
She was awful. 5 hours to load her and it went downhill from there. With the help of my good friend and barn owner, my best friend and Youngest Daughter....The Littlest Redhead is now a steady mount that I trust. I still have not cantered, but that is my goal and I am sure that I will get there sooner or later. If I don't I still ride and that's ok too.
I grew up galloping across the North Dakota countryside, without a second thought, ever, for my safety. Then, after 20+ years of being horseless, I was finally in the position to have my dream again. That was when the "fun" began. After one minor, and then a major horse related accident, my confidence was shattered. We took a new direction, and sold the horses we had, then purchased 2weanlings over the course of 5 years. They have both been started using Clinton Anderson's methods. I also attend any of Clinton's clinics or tours that are being held even remotely close to where I live. (North Idaho now) It was at one of these events that he made this statement: "Fear is nothing more than a lack of knowledge." I know it sounds silly, but at that point I knew I was on my way to recovery. I am now 51, and I feel like my horse life has just started. I'm still a little leary of a possible spook, (so far so good) but I am convinced I am on the right track. I could go on forever, but I would just like to say that I am so glad I didn't give up. All I needed was a little more knowledge! P.S. I am also extremely fortunate to have a significant other who has stuck with me every step of the way. Thanks Honey..... :)
I rode tons in my youth - mostly gymhkanas and barrel racing. Then I went to college, got married, had kids... We got back into horses, purchasing a gelding for me and a pony for my daughter. She showed in 4H and open shows. I helped out with the 4H horse project and our local saddle club. Then I got sick and for over five years, the doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong. I sold my horse, my strength was gone and I lost muscle tone. Finally they figured out what was wrong and I am on new medicine. I am gaining strength, but now I am afraid to ride.. I love being around the horses, but getting in the saddle scares me. I plan on taking lessons over the winter months and getting more miles on my gelding so I am ready to tackle the trails again next year. Part of the problem is I am home alone alot and don't dare ride when someone else isn't there. It is hard to find people that will help me with getting used to riding again.
I always wanted a horse, and finally got a gorgeous quarterhorse (Shadow) about 2 years ago. He was trained, as I was, in English, so that is what I started with. However the saddle I was using had no depth in the seat, and I never felt confident riding on that saddle. Finally I bought a Wintec western style saddle and hoped it would let me get some real riding time on my horse. Long story short (and it really is long) Shadow threw me, violently, on June 30th of this year. I was alone on a trail, and was apparently unconscious for about a half hour, until they were able to find me. Shadow had run right back to the barn. I had a large subdural hematoma, severe concussion (I was really lucky to be alive), a finger broken in five places (I know - just a finger - try typing and writing and just "activities of daily living"), torn ACL, micro tears in miniscus (sp?), and a compression fracture in my lower back. All they treated in ICU was the head injury (3 days and lots of CT scans, but no drilling of holes, thank goodness). I've had to track down the other injuries and work on solutions. I don't plan on riding Shadow again. I'm in the process of selling him, and hope someday to acquire a calm, slow, not-trying-to-kill-me horse. When that happens, I'll need some guidance on how to get back up on a horse.
Just what I needed, to hear that there are others out there like myself. My story is similar, rode most of my life, pretty fearless as a child/young person, took a hyatis for a while, then came back with the help of a wonderful Arab with whom I was comppletely bonded. Did everything on him for nearly 18 years, until he came up lame and was basically retired. The next three horses I bought each had issues and left me thrown, hurt, scared and completely without confidence. I realised as I entered my 60's, I no longer bounce back from a fall. Yet I still could not give up what has been a major part of my life. Enter Flash, a Paint QH, not without flaws, but basically gentle and quiet. Ever so slowly, with the help of a great trainer, a fantastic core group of "old lady riders" who are at the same point in life, and the switch to a soft seat Western trail saddle, I might make it after all. "It" may only be nice quiet trail rides with a couple of friends, but that's okay. I've learned it's all about staying within my comfort zone. And that when your whole life revolves around horses and horse people, anything you do with them is fine.
Im 27, and Ive had RA for 4 years
*Were you a bold and mostly fearless rider when you were younger?
Mostly yes, I rode jumpers and hunters (usualy warming up the problem ones) before moving to training WP QH. I would stay off if I thought it would be a wreck, but usualy got on anyways. I once showed a gelding for a summer that had caused two serious accidents, that caused the riders to have to give up riding all together.
* Does it frustrate you that you can't seem to get back to that point?
Hell yes. Last year I got on my friends horse that I broke out as a 2yo, I got on her and started crying. I was shaking because I was scared, and crying because I know I've handled everything she could have done in the past, but couldnt handle anything now. Im also dealing with the drugs affecting my balance and reaction times
Some days I dont know if I'll ever be able to ride again at anything aproaching my previous level. It sucks to have to remind people that I retired at the age of 24, and to loose lesson students to coaches who can ride there horses (not that I dont understand the students position, but it still sucks)
* Did your fear develop after an accident or injury? Can you pinpoint some other reason for it? Or, did it seem to come out of nowhere, on its own?
It started about 6 months after my dignosis. When I would hit an opject with my arm/leg instead of going "ouch" and moving on, I would be in agony for hours due to the stress on my joints. It got worse when I tryed taking some lessons at a local barn, I had a horse spook with me, although I stayed on, when you keep getting replays of how long it will take for you to recover........
* What means, if any, have you tried in an effort to get past the fear and back to riding? What's worked? What hasn't?
I do take lessons when I can with coaches who have acess to broke horses and know my history. I need somthing BROKE to ride. The coach at the last place wanted to put me on some younger stuff as he felt I was capable, (and belive me, complements from this guy are like money from the sky!) But I knew that the added stress of the "what if" would not be good for me, OR the horse.
* How much does your present horse contribute to the issue?
Ha, good question. I dont have a horse. I want somthing with movment to be competive, but cant aford a broke horse that could look after me. I will not buy a youngster because I know it will need years with a trainer before it will be ready for me to ride. Im showing halter and lunge line horses for some friends but its hard letting go of them to have them move onto be riding horses.
So it seems the magazine will be needing a different name if you are aiming for the non-riding market. . . just one of the reasons my subscription will be lapsing.
Hi, there, Anon--
Thanks for stopping by and leaving your opinion.
I guess you and I see this particular blog topic quite differently.
While you are viewing the previous commenters as 'non-riding market,' what I see are avid, committed, horse-industry-supporting folks who WANT to ride more, and who will ride more if they can just get the help and encouragement that'll enable them to do so.
As the magazine's editor, I also see an opportunity to provide that help, for the eventual good of the entire order.
Who knows? One of these yearning-to-ride-more people, or someone close to them, might be the buying customer for your next horse. Or help keep your local feed dealer in business. Or decide to buy your used truck or trailer when you decide to upgrade. Or show up to help you when you suffer a setback in your own horse life.
Take care, and may you never have to suffer from fear of what you love and desire to do.
I'm 54 and it was over 30 years between horses. I was pretty fearless when I had my first horse, and she was a great first horse for a 12 year old. She was only 3 but had the personality and temperment to be a great kids horse. When I got my current horse, I didn't think about temperment, but found a sweet TB, who I found out is a little insecure. So we have taken it slow, but we are now cantering a little bit more every time and I have gained a lot of confidence in the last three years of owning her. And so has she. So we have kind of grown together.
Hi Juli,
I've followed your career for a long time and am also a fan of your blog. Reading your blog encouraged me to start my own, I named it "50+Horses". Missed a few days of your blog while on vacation and just saw this middle-aged topic.
My blog tells my story, horse crazy kid who has done her best to be around horses all her life until she could buy one which almost caused a divorce until hubby, bless his heart, bought in on the idea.
I created my blog for those of us who have the love of horses in our inner-self, that no matter what, still have got to ride or be around these beautiful equines.
In the past week I've made the big decision to retire. I hope to spend more time with my blog (and my horses). I hope that I can assist those (and myself) who want to ride but feel the pressures of middle age.
Hi, 50+,
Great idea for a blog! I paid a visit, tried to leave a comment, but was unsuccessful for some reason--the blog format rejected it.
Once upon a time, riding horses after 50 was considered a novelty. I even have an old horse magazine, from the early 1940s, with a story that featured an over-50 rider and her photo, as though it were a rare thing!
Today, the largest group of Horse & Rider subscribers, at 25% of the total, is 55-65 years old.
And you can't tell me that those childhood viewings of Roy Rogers and Hopalong Cassidy didn't have an effect.
Hi Juli! This is such a great topic and it really hits home with me and my personal situation. I've had horses since I was 10 years old, and am now 43. I have two children, ages 10 and 8. I have one horse, who I've owned for almost 30 years, who is now too old to ride. I also have a 9 year old horse, who was close to being finished. We had a house fire, and lost everything. So, training him had to be put on hold while raising two children and rebuilding our home. When that dust all settled, so to speak, I found out that I had a spinal cord tumor, which was inside my cord. It has changed my life significantly. I am sensorally defecit from my armpits all the way to my toes. I can't move my legs or feet as fast as I used to. My fear comes from not having the same body as I used to, which was trained to balance and move with my horses. I now have a body that is very altered and had to relearn how to walk and do everything all over again. It is now 2 years post operation, and I am still dealing with the fear of falling off and damaging my spinal cord even more. My doctor says that I can ride, but with reservation. I can't imagine my life without horses, they, along with my family, are what got me through an extremely difficult time. I guess my hesitation is not having anyone to help me get over the fear. There are no physical therapists, or therapeutic riding programs to help me rebuild my confidence. I climbed up on my old horse, the one that's 30, and plodded around on her. Just doing that much made my heart sing with joy. I felt like some of me was back. I wish my younger gelding was as broke as she is, but I have a goal to ride him again. I know this is lengthy, and I am sorry about that, but it sure feels good to know that there are others who deal with fear as I do, or try to. I ride "Pig", my old horse, to try and rebuild my confidence. I longe the younger one to see where his head is at, as far as mental prep. if I were to try and ride him. I just need to feel that he and I can get back to where we were before the house fire and the tumor disasters. I'm glad you started this blog Juli, I hope we can all help eachother with our goals. Thanks, from a reader in GA. :)
* Were you a bold and mostly fearless rider when you were younger?
Yes, I had my own horse and worked in a trail ride stable, and had no problems taking out new horses to try.
* Does it frustrate you that you can't seem to get back to that point?
Yes, because I really want to hit the trails again.
* Did your fear develop after an accident or injury? Can you pinpoint some other reason for it?
Or, did it seem to come out of nowhere, on its own?
Most of it comes from not riding in about 6 years. I lost my good broke horse and didn't have anything to ride. Now I think I know too much about what can happen and how my kids would feel if something happened to me.
* What means, if any, have you tried in an effort to get past the fear and back to riding? What's worked? What hasn't?
Nothing really. I would like to take some lessons on a good school horse and get my riding legs back. I think if I could send my horse out for training and have someone else ride her a bit it would also help.
* How much does your present horse contribute to the issue?
A lot..I have a 8 year old mare that has had some training and riding by a friend. I can not convince myself to get up there though. She is laid back and pretty unflappable but it doesn't seem to help me much.
I'm not in my 40's, I'm only 32.
I am 55 and have not been on my horse for two years. I had a bad fall when my saddle slipped and I went off flat on my back. I did ride out on the trail after that, came home to spend a two week recuperation period. I love the fat little booger(if he had not been a 14.2 Fjord, things would have been alot worse) and he is staying here for the rest of his life whether I ride him or not. There are times when I try to convince myself to cowboy up and get on but I can usually talk myself out of it. Sad, sad, sad. I miss riding but I am terrified to climb back on. I so not bounce anymore. That said, I might not even be writing this had I not been wearing my helmet. I never rode without it. Period. JUST WEAR THE DAMN HELMET!!!!!!
As a kid, I was not allowed anywhere near a horse. As an adult, horses were for "someday when I have more time and money."
Fast forward to just before my 40th birthday, when I realize I'm probably not getting more of either one.
I got on a horse for the first time in my life at age 39 and been taking riding lessons for about 9 months now.
I have been riding at the canter for months, but have just now gotten past my fear. I was once on a horse that spooked, and my tension at the canter definitely made it worse. I was not able to bring myself to even trot over the lowest jump.
By this age, many of us have seen serious injuries and illnesses around us. I think my heightened awareness of just how fragile we all are is definitely a contributing factor. I'm also just not as strong as I used to be.
I had to remind myself that I am doing this for fun, and if I need to learn more slowly to be relaxed, then that's what I will do.
I've very slowly worked through it with a patient instructor and a some very smooth horses. I might even try to jump soon... maybe.
Oy My Gosh! I just saw this blog and it is so me! I am 52 and at 49 I owned my first horse! I bought a green broke one! Oh I have lots of time to train it, I told my self. TRAIN? I had not a clue. I have been three years, takeing it slow, because I want to do the RIGHT things by her.
When I was younger, I had no fear! I rode a neighbors horse, and I rode wild. I find that now, I am very cautious, and at age 40 Motality does set in. Hence the caution and hesitance that sets in.
I have sent Sissy to a couple of trainers, and last summer the trainer I had, worked with both me and Sissy. It was the best thing I could do! Was riding her by fall. But then winter came, spring comes around. I did get to ride her a couple of times this summer, but then it got to hot, or it was to windy, and then she stepped on a nail.
I personally do not think that she would do anything with me, but because she is not 'dead broke' as they say, I can't just go saddle her up and ride. I am not a confident enough rider to do this.
My main fear is: if I do ever fall off of her, I might not get up. I am not afraid of the fall itself, I have two bad disks in my back. So me working through this is very hard.
I spend a lot of time with Sissy. Grooming, playing, and even taking her for a walk. She does not intimidate me on the ground anymore, I have worked through that. That first year, she just walked all over me, and pushed me around. Not anymore! She does have respect for me, and does want to hang out.
But unless the time is just 'prefect' and I feel it is right, I tend to put off riding. My dream is not what I dreamt, as I would love to spend all day in the saddle with my horse. But I do get to at least spend time with her, and we are learning together.
Not only do I teach nervous riders but we also sell horses to 'newer' horse people who are often nervous. Safety is our major concern. I am studying all the comments here with interest to try and help the folks I work with to enjoy their riding more. I think it comes down to three things. One, you must be honest with yourself about your ability and get partnered with the right horse. So many nervous riders own horses that I would be leery of getting on and I ride every day!Number two is if you don't ride very often and you want to avoid an unneccesary fall you need to make sure that the horse isn't going to be frisky when you first mount, especially if you are feeling rusty or nervous! Lunging or at least leading the horse around or having a helper hold him while you mount will help keep you safe. Number three is that if you plan to canter and jump, then schedule to ride more than once a week. That way you'll be more balanced and go with your horse. As a former nervous jumper I can confirm that all the articles about riding the canter and letting the distance to the jump take care of itself are true! 'Train your eye' by 'jumping' courses of poles on the ground. Take control of your riding and if you don't trust the horse and the instructor then go somewhere else!
Having a horse has been a life time dream, that came a little true when my daughter wanted (and got) her first pony. My mother said I was living my dream through my girl to which my daughter responded that was great as it got her a horse. For the next 14 years I was mostly the all around groom/financier/cheerleader with dreams.
Three things seem to slow down my dream. First, a demanding but fufilling job I love that leaves little time for riding once the barn chores and barn up-keep are done (these things I do before my home according to my non-supportive, disabled husband). The answer of course would be to prioritize and be more efficient - which as I age seems to get harder and slower or retire which is not a financial feasible until 70.
Second, daughter and friends call me 'dangerous horse mom - reads' (have a tee shirt that says so). Knowledge, but no practical experience putting it into action. I desperately want a trainer with a good school horse, but in our area they are hard to come by as one must travel quite a distance. Then there are the issues of cost. Daughter moved to New Mexico and left her 2 mares with me ,in a forever home of course. She says to ride them. The sweet, not always personal space respecting 14 year old 15 hh QH is trained but has a calcified center ligament on the left stifle from a draft horse kick, so is not consistent in her gaits making it hard to improve riding skills; the 4 year old 15hh paint daughter of the QH is green broke, sweet, kind, willing but I do not really know what I am doing so I do not want to give her bad habits.
Third at 64, of course, I fear getting hurt (instead of an awe inspiring wreck, had large wheelbarrow full of dirt tip over blowing alcs, rippining minscus pads and semi trashing the right knee - what a blah). Physically my coordination and strength are not the greatest (never very athletic to begin with). So fear plays a factor as I do not heal like younger persons and cannot be off work for a long recovery time.
What a sad sack whine on my part, so reading about others with similar problems has made me feel much less alone. I envy Texas Missy and her Loping Ladies!! THANKS for this blog. Great answer to Anonymous, Julie. Us non or semi riders spend lots of money on our horses, just ask our feed stores and vets. Actually my daughter's mares see the dentist more than I do. Thanks again for encouraging confidence building in the "aged"
I have not ridden in about 8 years now and have no desire to do so due to fear of getting hurt. I got out of horses for awhile in the late 90s but got another one two years ago. He too is now sold and I am horseless once again.
I don't know what happened but I suddenly became very, very jumpy around horses in general. It's almost as if once I got into my late 30s I lost my nerve, for no apparent reason. I still can't figure it out to this day. Maybe when you hit 40 you start to realize that you have a whole lot more to lose if you get hurt (job, home, income, etc.) and that puts a fear in you. I really don't know. But as I said, I have not ridden in 8+ years and I'm not at all interested because my confidence is zero now.
When I was young, up through my 20s and early 30s I rode all the time. I'd ride any horse with tons of confidence. I'd hold any horse no matter how spooky it was. Now, I'm the one that spooks at even the slightest hint that a horse may shy.
Lord, what happened to me?!
I would ride anything offered to me and do things that today make me wonder how I have reached my present age of 46 !! But I think that was because I was in the saddle every day riding many different horses. I got married, moved, and started having kids. I still rode my horses when I could, but I had long periods when I did not ride. I ride every day now but I am not the same rider as I was then, and I do find it frustrating. I think things changed because I wasn't as secure in the saddle anymore, I am aware of my own mortality, and have family and other responsibilities that won't get done if I am laid up or injured. It has helped to push myself to go just a little bit beyond my comfort level and also to not be afraid to get off the horse if things are not going well and call it a day. I think the biggest factor in my riding change is that I have young horses ( now 4 & 5 yrs) and I have really taken my time to bring them along slowly. We did get a trail horse who is 12 and I enjoy him and am more bold, but still am careful . Maybe it's just maturity??
I am 57 and have ridden all my life and owned and raised/trained horses since I was 30. Mustangs, grade, appaloosas, thoroughbreds and now 2 quarter horses and one paint yearling from one of the QH’s (thanks, Juli, for all your info over the years with your young-uns!). I have been hurt 4 times, all while riding – both legs broke, and ribs twice, and each time it has taken longer to recover. The last time was 3 years ago – my 10 year old GOOD mare and I were working cows and I simply zigged when she zagged. Now I no longer compete in sorting events or go on trailrides where I have no knowledge or control of the other knuckleheads who might be showing up. I am an artist and use my horses as models, so I will never get rid of them, but I have cut back on the riding and I am EXTRA careful when I let anyone else ride my horses. I know from experience that even in a “controlled” situation, you are never really in control. All my accidents were flukes and could only have been prevented had I not been riding at all, which for me is still not an option. I have not had my “last ride” yet! Debbie Grayson Lincoln
I think one of the the most important things older fearful riders can do is ride a very gentle , well trained , quiet older horse in a controlled environment. I see many older riders afraid to ride even their own horses because the horse is too young or spirited, or untrained for them. They keep hanging on to this unsuitable horse and only get more fearful. As I got older I began to choose quieter types and breeds, and went from competitive sports to trail riding, because I am not as athletic as I was in my 20's! I own 3 horses and one of them is 24 only 14.3 hands and calm and quiet enough to give anyone I share him with some confidence. So don't pass up that safe well trained 20 year old who has done it all. That horse may be what many fearful riders really need, even if he is not as gorgeous as those younger models. Give that horse the extra care they need, it's worth it! Happy Trails to all.
Darn - missed this when you originally posted but it sure has garnered a lot of response.
Got my horses at 40 - I'm closer to 50 now. Had the fear factor pretty bad those early years. Took my share of tumbles and had a few that I didn't want to ride again and didn't.
For the most part, time in the saddle has helped. You can read every book and study all the dvds, but at some point, you just have to start riding. And that is what I did.
I will never be a great rider. I compare myself to Elaine dancing on Seinfeld. But I will walk, trot & lope. Even gallop. Because the trust in my horse is there. And I wouldn't have gotten there if I didn't put my butt in the saddle.
I am still not the bravest soul. But I am enjoying the ride.
I've been fortunate to have a horse all my life. In my younger days I would ride anything! Now, at 47, I'm much more cautious. After suffering a few injuries, back surgery and cancer, I have realized my mortality and take steps to minimize the risk. I ride calm horses in controlled environments, always wear a helmet, never ride on bad weather days (windy, thunder/lightning), and I warm them up thoroughly and do premount checks prior to getting on (Parellii's methods work wonders). I also follow an alkaline diet to minimize the muscular aches and pains and I stretch regularly and do Pilates. It all helps!
I too have the fear. I rode all my life up through my 20s and was a great rider/trainer. Fast forward 20 years, divorce, no money to own them.
At age 48 bought a weanling wanting to train her right from the start. She has been a challange to train. Have sent her to trainers off and on through the years and now have her trained beautifully, but she is still spooky. I put off riding and have done so throughout her training because I have lost the confidence.
A friend introduced me to driving a miniature horse. Ok, had to have one of those! I now find myself spending all my time training and showing my mini and no time to ride my beautifully trained big horse (who still shys). I am getting the same horse fix from the little guys as from the big ones without the fear. I have heard those that say, "oh, it is not the same if you can't ride them". I say, yes it is. I have fallen in love with these guys and they cost less to maintain! Everything is less...blankets, feed, bedding. They have given me the confidence back that I have lost in handling horses.
I am selling my big girl, even as much as I love her and all the time spent to get her to where she is now, I still have the fear when I get in the saddle. I don't have the fear when I am with my minis.
I'm 50 and have been riding for 3 years now - I am taking lessons from my 28 year old daughter who has been riding for about 15 years or more - I'm just anxious and scared and don't want to be - I'm especially anxious at the canter - yes I have fallen off many times and minor injuries - usually just bruises - how do I gain more confidence - I want to be a better rider!
Juli,
What a fabulous topic! And can I ever relate...
I am one of those oddballs who has owned horses my entire adult life, but I have always been terrified of riding.
Like several of the posters, the root of my fear was multi-factoral: a traumatic childhood experience (thanks to a Very Naughty Pony) and a lifetime case of essential tremor (horses DO NOT like it when you shake all the time!)
Every few years I would get brave and take a lesson or two, or have my hubby saddle up one of our own horses, but Fear always triumphed, and I would wind up clutching the saddle horn, begging someone to help me off!
Finally, last summer, my youngest daughter (now a trainer) talked me into trying to learn to ride one more time.
She was keeping a Skipper W-bred mare for a friend, and I was completely and totally in love with the mare: she was a true babysitter. With no warning, my daughter led the mare up to the back porch, and told me to set down the dish towel and get on. With no time to think or talk myself out of it, I stepped up on the mare, and off we went. That day, I actually cantered on a horse for the first time in my adult life without crying.
After a week or so of confidence building, I switched over to my daughter's gelding, and amazingly, within six weeks, I found myself showing him in Horsemanship at an AQHA show. For horsemen who have ridden their entire lives, this seems like a very small thing, but for me, it was life-changing. I can remember sitting at the in-gate, feeling completely relaxed, confident, and happy--not at all the way I had anticipated feeling!
My friends and family members were so shocked that I was able to ride the horse in public that they all demanded cell phone photos to prove it!
While I would like to think that I overcame my fear thanks to my willpower, or my daughter's excellent teaching, or her fabulously trained gelding, I really think that my affection for (and confidence in) that mare that simply 'over-rode' my fear!
I waited until I was 41 to finally satisfy my dream to own my horse. I'm 43 years old now. I had ridden rental ranch horses most of my life at least a couple times a year, but I had only fallen once and that was from a pony when I was just a kid. All I suffered from was a bruised hip.
I did a lot of research before I brought our first horse home two years ago, and took lessons for about 6 months. I rode my mare in a round pen, arena or in my paddock for about 6 months before even considering riding her on the trails.
When I finally started taking her out on the trails with my neighbor, everytime she balked, crow-hopped and was barn-sour. We worked through those issues with the help of my neighbor and with me riding as often as possible and making her work when she got back to the barn after a ride and taking her back out on the trail.
But then she started with other bad habits, like pulling her head away while she was on the trail, bolting with me in the saddle, and spinning in circles or backing up.
Then she started spooking...big...and sideways. The last rideon Christmas Eve we had just finished a beautiful ride in the snow and were on our way back when she spooked at something we still aren't sure about. She teleported 6 feet sideways and I fell off, ripping my ACL and meniscus.
I had surgery a few weeks later and it took me several months to recuuperate. My husband and kids had to take care of me, themselves and our ranch and animals for months and endure my whining about the awful pain and frustration.
Just when I felt strong enough to start handling my horse again, I was preparing to worm my mare and she saw the wormer in my hand and backed up so hard she broke the welds on the pipe fencing, which slammed into me and threw me into the ground.
That broke my knee...the same knee, in a compound fracture, basically, broke like a glass windshield. Itt took me a couple more months to recuuperate from that and now my knee is weaker than before and clicks, creaks, pops, and slips out on me sometimes. I'm finding it very difficult to rebuild those quad muscles that will give me enough strength to not only climb steps, but to also mount a horse.
Will I ever ride again? I hope so. Will it be my mare? I do want to get up on her just to say I did it, and to somehow feel as if I've defeated that fear, but I will only do it if someone is right there with me and I'm somewhere very safe with no spooky things to freak out my horse.
I think if I want to still be around horses I need to find a better suited horse, one that is more willing, calm, steady-eddy. But it's going to be so tough to find one because how do I know I can trust it? It's having to build up that relationship all over again. I've already lost a huge part of my dream and spent thousands of dollars on my horse, tack, vet care,feed, and medical bills. How will I know I've finally found a horse that I won't be wasting my money on. A horse that wants to help me heal and rebuild my self-confidance?
This has been a very good subject. It's such a relief knowing I'm not alone in what I've gone through and am still going through.........
Thanks
~Lisa
Juli:
Wow Buckarette your really hit this one on the nailhead!
I too can relate and reading all the previous blog posts was great. My advice ladies is: RIDE ON! Never let someone or something get in the way of your dreams. Play it safe though, realistically assess your ability and those of your mount. Pick the right horses and if you aren't sure, find someone you trust to solicit their help.
At 50+, unfortunatley due to economic circumstances and lifestyle changes (divorce) I have been reduced from rider to horse owner. Still I enjoy my youngsters from the ground and look forward to Spring time when a friend has offered to help start my 6 yr old Qtr pony stallion and 2 yr old Shinning Spark pony filly.
Starting young stock has never been my thing, the uncertainty and potential danger is fuel for fear. Knowledge alone will not cure. Preosteo conditions come into play when making decisions about who to get on. And having to ride alone has me rethinking that too.
To add to the equation, my most favorite bridle horse at the advanced age of 35 died in my arms last month. We were partners for 29 yrs, a clear reminder I'm no spring chicken anymore.
I am hoping to regain ridership status soon. In fact rode this month for the first time in two years, the hill work, fording the creek and long trotting had me wanting more (after my muscles recovered).
Just play it smart. Go at your own pace and be careful in all you do. This will ensure many more joyous days in the saddle.
See you on the trail, in the arena or cattle pen. Maybe even at the Bayer Select Show...
Ride On,
Buckarette Annette
Juli:
Wow Buckarette your really hit this one on the nailhead!
I too can relate and reading all the previous blog posts was great. My advice ladies is: RIDE ON! Never let someone or something get in the way of your dreams. Play it safe though, realistically assess your ability and those of your mount. Pick the right horses and if you aren't sure, find someone you trust to solicit their help.
At 50+, unfortunatley due to economic circumstances and lifestyle changes (divorce) I have been reduced from rider to horse owner. Still I enjoy my youngsters from the ground and look forward to Spring time when a friend has offered to help start my 6 yr old Qtr pony stallion and 2 yr old Shinning Spark pony filly.
Starting young stock has never been my thing, the uncertainty and potential danger is fuel for fear. Knowledge alone will not cure. Preosteo conditions come into play when making decisions about who to get on. And having to ride alone has me rethinking that too.
To add to the equation, my most favorite bridle horse at the advanced age of 35 died in my arms last month. We were partners for 29 yrs, a clear reminder I'm no spring chicken anymore.
I am hoping to regain ridership status soon. In fact rode this month for the first time in two years, the hill work, fording the creek and long trotting had me wanting more (after my muscles recovered).
Just play it smart. Go at your own pace and be careful in all you do. This will ensure many more joyous days in the saddle.
See you on the trail, in the arena or cattle pen. Maybe even at the Bayer Select Show...
Ride On,
Buckarette Annette
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