Regrouping Out at the Barn (With One Less Horse)
When you lose a member of your equine family (R.I.P, Mr. Tank), you have some adjustments to make.If you have other horses, you can't just go AWOL with your grief. You still have to go to the barn or pasture to take care of them.
Which means you have to face that empty halter hanger, that unoccupied stall, that missing unique nicker you know you'll never hear again.
This is a lot harder to do than the non-initiated might ever imagine. When my personal superhorse Ace dropped dead in 2004, I couldn't make myself set foot in the barn for over a month. Fortunately, I was able to rely on Ed to take over the horse chores during that protracted time.
I was able to handle the regrouping process differently--a lot more deliberately--this time around.
* I moved the next-most-senior horse, Corky, into Tank's old stall and run--so it wouldn't be so hauntingly empty.
* I picked Saturday ("the day after") as the day for introducing the youngest horse, Tiffany, to wearing a snaffle and saddle. (While telling her what big shoes she has to live up to.)
* I recalculated all our feed needs, based on having five horses instead of six.
* I retired Tank's signature yellow halter from circulation, with plans to enshrine it, somewhere away from the barn, with the section of his tail I kept.
* Then, I just resolved to accept waiting for more (healing) time to pass.
posted by Juli Thorson @ 10:37 AM
14 comments
14 Comments:
when you have a horse (or a dog) euthanized, you have more time to cope, when one goes suddenly, without warning there is no time to say your goodbyes or plan.
no matter which way it happens, it's just hard.
Thinking of you here Juli.
I am so sorry for your loss. Your blog made me cry. I know how hard it is to loose a horse. They are more then just "pets". Hang in there. Time will heal.
Enshrining his halter is a good idea. I have always left mine at their resting places.
Keeping busy and chatting with your horse pals will also help to, but you are right in the long run you just have wait for time to do it's job.
Regardless I wish you well and send you a big online cowgirl (((HUG))).
Sounds like you're doing all good/helpful/healing things. But the bottom line is that it Just Plain Hurts Like H#^^ for a while. Hang in there. You're in our thoughts.
My best gal pal Kimfer lost two horses in the last few years. One was sudden and unplanned, the other a scheduled euth. Both were hard for her (and truth be told me)but the euth was a bit easier to deal with because there was some mental prep time in the days before.
She 'retired' both of their halters and they hang on a homemade pine bookshelf along with cards from her friends and pics of both horses.
I was wondering if you kept some of his hair. That is something I do, Sparkys is in behind her picture in the frame.
Reddunappy - We did snip a bit of tail, a bit of forelock and enough mane to share with those who knew him well.
Sigh. Know whatcha mean. My house has several shrines, bridles and halters retired, along with a favorite picture of the horse. My dog's ashes and collars are here and there on the shelves, usually behind their picture.
I think it's a good thing, happy memories. And with those special animals (ok, they're all special) you can't let anyone else wear their halter or collar. It wouldn't be right.
I hope it gets better for you soon. It's so hard. You expect to feed them, hear them, you think you catch glimpses of them. It's a tough time. Big hugs to you and Ed.
Does it help to know that there are many of us who know how you feel?
It's been two and a half years since my Champ died, and I still miss him. As much as I adore my new gelding, we aren't bonded yet like Champ and I were, and I have to keep reminding myself that it takes time. After 17 years with that horse I forget that we weren't always reading each other's minds.
Tank was awesome. It'll take time to fill those big shoes.
Horses are different- grieving for them is different. They are not quite like house pets, not quite like any other kind of loss. I think it feels like part of our identity goes with them.
You're totally doing the right things. Spend time in the barn and establish your new normal. ANd feel good that you gave that old horse a wonderful retirement.
I'm so sorry Juli. I know it's hard. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
My thoughts are with you. We had to euthanize my first horse in November. It was really difficult but it was suddenly time. I also kept some of her tail hair although I still can't deal with doing anything with it yet.
I think we have to remember what a great life they had and how much they were loved.
Nancy!
I'm so very sorry for the passing of Your BeLoved Tank.We can all say our words of comfort,yet we will always fall short of maken the pain less.I don't think there would ever be a time for Your Tank to leave and leave you,maken the pain lessor.It was hard for him to say his good-byes to you as well.He knew his race was over,worse yet he knew your race with him was over as well.That in itself the worst part for the 2 of you.He knew & felt your LOVE for him and how you Loved him.He knew you needed him like he needed you.That's the most special part of all.You will never let him go,he will always be part of you.He and you both made each other who you are today.But now his Love will only drive your soul and spirit to a bigger quest.A quest yet unknown I am sure.Most likely with a Horse &/or Person you touch in any way, most likely a horse in need.You will reflect on your time with TANK.That alone will give you what you need to rise to the call to make that other life better.I know these few words are taken in and you hear them.Part of you may be thinking that maybe I am clueless.I really am not,I just learned my Best-Friend that was that "1 Horse" you know the 1.The 1 who forever ever touched my soul & spirit had to go.But he didn't leave this world with out showing me that it takes a true Horse Lover to really know what a Horses Soul & Spirit can teach a person,this being.....we have to stick together and make that difference in a horse &/or person's life who was not lucky enough to have a Horse or Human who Truly Loves Them!And it is ever so clear That You are 1 of Those people,you'll make that differences all in TANK's Great Grace!
i had my old appy Blue euth i gave him all the things he loved, Nutter Butter cookies were at the top of his list. I clipped a part of his mane & briaded a lock of my own hair into his, before he left. the color matched so well u couldn't tell which was which. later that day my other horse, Billy & i just grieved together in the pasture, i was lucky to have a mane to cry into. my thoughts are with u.
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